The past two racing seasons have been challenging ones, both physically and mentally. I felt due for a great season after 2008’s disappointing one. While I did have some great races and overcame some great hurdles, I feel a little disappointed about not having completed my second Ironman race.

The season started out really fun with some short-distance races. They were hard and so much faster than the pace I was used to training at. But they were really fun. I enjoyed them a lot and feel like it might be interesting to focus on short-distance sometime. As Ironman Coeur d’Alene came closer, I felt more and more ready. I don’t think I’ve ever been in that good of shape. I achieved my goal weight and I was feeling confident and comfortable on long rides and long runs (I pretty much always feel comfortable in long swims).

When I didn’t finish Coeur d’Alene due to who-knows-what (the doctors still don’t know what caused my seizure and numbness) I was extremely disappointed. While I know that it was not in my control and for some reason my body shut down, I know that it was not because I didn’t train enough. Maybe it was the cold day or maybe my mind/body didn’t want me to finish. However, the longer-term effects were pretty harsh.

After IM CDA, I jumped right into another one. I wanted to complete an Ironman. I had heard about the Desert Half Iron in Oliver and knew that it was pretty much a sure-thing to qualify for Ironman Canada. I didn’t know why that was until I was actually in the race. I have never experienced a more physically and mentally challenging course. It boasts the most difficult half Ironman in Canada. I believe it. Getting through that race was my biggest accomplishment of the season, and maybe of my life.

Once I had qualified for IMC, I felt so grateful. I knew I could do that race, I just needed to keep training. That’s when the wheels started to fall off. Training. After the Desert half I was exhausted. I got out of the habit of training and I lost my momentum. I didn’t want to go on 4+ hour bike rides, or 2+ hour runs, or even 1+ hour swims. Instead I spent many hours relaxing with friends, playing with my dogs, and drinking beer. Each day I meant to train and each day I decided not to.

In August, I did the Waskesiu triathlon and had so much fun. I broke 4-hours, which I have only done a couple of times before. I thought it was a personal best for that race, but it wasn’t. That race went better than any other race in the past few years. I felt so comfortable throughout the whole thing, even though I was working hard. I finished at a sprint and had absolutely no pain throughout the run (that’s always a feat for me). It was great. I felt strong. I felt that inspite of not training I could maybe do Ironman. But Ironman was 3-4x the distance of that race.

Well, you have already read about my decision not to do Ironman Canada. Since then I have continued to have mixed feelings about not doing the race. I’m disappointed, but relieved. I have decided that next year I am going to focus on shorter races (half Ironman distance and shorter) and do some volunteering for some local races. I am going to take some time off from Ironman. I am going to keep it in mind, but I’m not going to pressure myself. If it seems like a good idea in a couple of years, then I’ll do it. Otherwise, I’m just going to chill out about it.

This winter I am going to be doing some coaching and training and getting the rest of my life in order. I’ll keep you posted on my training!

Yesterday I decided to go for my shortest run in at least 6 months. I took my dogs out for a 30 MINUTE RUN. That’s right… 30 minutes! I barely worked up a sweat. And you know what else? We walked sometimes. Yep, walked. And we stopped for water several times, just because the water fountains were there. And you know what else? I didn’t even time it, I’m just guessing it took 30 minutes based on how far we went. This feeling of freedom from training is just one sign that I’m burned out from training and thinking about training for Ironman(s). It’s true, friends, that I’m tired. Burned out. Stick a fork in me, I’m done. For now. For Ironman training.

So what has been going on with me? Well, it all started about a month ago when my coach sent me my last/next set of workouts for one last burst of effort for Ironman. Each day my significant other would say, “Don’t you have to train today?” or “What does your coach want you to do today?” And each day I would say, “Oh, don’t worry, it’s all good.” However, I rarely did the workouts. I went for a few pool swims in the outdoor pool a block away, I did some runs, and I road biked once (yes, I counted all the way up to ONE). I just wasn’t putting in the time or effort. It felt like each workout was a hard journey that I didn’t want to be on. This is just one aspect of what’s been going on with me, mentally and physically, when it comes to training.

I really don’t know when my sketchy health stuff started up, but it was a while ago. I don’t really want to go into the too-much-information sector of blogging, but there are internal things happening that are just not good. My doctor has been testing me, but is unable to come up with anything useful. I’m finding another doctor and I may go to my homeopath because he has always been my reliable “last resort,” which makes me question why I don’t just go to him first. Anyway, bottom line: my physical health… not so good.

My mental health has also been not great lately. I mean, I’m fine, but it has been a really rainy summer, which pretty much has bummed me out. There are actually a few circumstantial reasons why I’ve been a little bummed lately as well, but I’m starting to feel better as we transition out of summer into my favorite season: fall.

So when my friend and support person, Dana, told me she wasn’t able to come with me to Ironman next weekend, it brought up all of these reasons, thoughts, and questions. “Do I really want to drive alone for 16 hours (each way)?” “Do I really want to do the race without a support person there just in case something happens again?” “Do I really want to do this race?” The answer to the first two of these important questions was a resounding “no.” When this came up, I was at my parent’s farm. I had a good discussion about it with my parents and they were definitely not comfortable with me being at the race without anyone there to help in case something happened. On an average day, I would take my parents’ concerns with a grain of salt because generally I’m adventurous and kind of do the opposite of what my parents tell me. I guess I really didn’t want to do the race because I took their concern to heart. Also, I pulled out the ol’ yellow legal pad of paper and did a “Pros and Cons” list. The Pros to doing the race were: I already paid for it, I get to see and stay with my friends in Penticton, and I get to experience a great race. The cons were: my heart is not in it, my mind is not in it, I don’t feel physically prepared, I would be going alone, and it would cost more money to get there.

When the decision was made to not do the race, I felt a weight being lifted off my shoulders. A few years ago, I went to this counselor (I sometimes call her my “life coach”) who challenged me to let go of my intensity in the middle of it. She told me to, when biking up a hill, just stop pedaling. Just to stop midway up the hill.  I couldn’t do it at the time and felt weird about her wanting me to do it. Now I understand that it was a test to see if my head and heart were still in the journey together… in order to keep me whole, happy, and healthy. Last weekend I stopped for the first time since Ironman Coeur d’Alene to check in with my heart. It is clear that while the decision was not easy and I’m a little sad about it, it was the best one for me right now.

Now on to exercising and having fun without structure or goals… at least for now!

I found out after the race that it boasts of the most difficult half IM in Canada. In a way, I’m kind of glad that I didn’t know this information going into it. Also, I now know why people do not opt to do this race as their qualifier for Ironman Canada. While it is almost a sure-thing that you will get in, you have to endure the wrath of the Desert Half IM course. This is no feat, I now know all too well.

The swim was fairly uneventful. I did have a personal best (PB) for a half IM swim by coming out of the water at 39 minutes. I did some drafting and I swam on my own. It is definitely the warmest lake swim I’ve ever done – it was 23 degrees on race-day morning, which made it just under the cut-off for wetsuits. They split us up into two heats: men under 50 in one and women and men over 50 in the other. It turned out to be all right and I only got roughed up a little bit. Well, the heats were about 200 people for each one, so it would be pretty unusual to be hit a lot from such a small number of people. I’m getting used to swimming with more people, so this race kind of nice and mellow for the start. It was two laps and I wish I would have looked at my split time. I’m sure my second one was faster than my first – I really need to iron out (no pun intended!) my race-day pre-race preparations so that I can get into my rhythm faster.

Once the swim was done, I knew that the big job was coming up. Everyone who knows me that I love bicycles. I love to ride bicycles, look at bicycles, fix bicycles, talk about bicycles, and pretty much everything to do with bicycles. I think they are fantastic machines that are super efficient and super cool to look at. However, on this particular Sunday morning, I hated being on my bicycle. I did know that this bike ride would be hard on my body, but I had no idea how mentally difficult it would be on top of that.

Let me paint you the picture of the bike course:
It’s in the dessert where plants grow sparsely without much water unless irrigated. The hills were hot and windy, no matter which direction you went. There was one flat section for about 10 km, the other 80km were hilly. The hills felt like they went on forever. FOREVER. Going out wasn’t so bad, but I was getting frustrated a little bit. I thought that it would be better once we turned around. I was wrong. Well, the flattish section was better going back because the wind was at our backs, but there was definitely more climbing coming back. I don’t know how many rollers there are, but it felt like 20. I cried once. I swore a lot. I wanted to bike off the side of the mountain just so that I could stop the torture. My body didn’t like the hills very much, but my mind hated them. It isn’t very often that I get so upset while on a bike. However, there was no way I was stopping after getting that far. That’s how I reasoned with myself. I just kept telling myself, “You can get off the bike very soon. We’ve come this far. We’ll practice hills for Ironman.” At that point, though, I didn’t even want to do Ironman. The Ironman course does Richter’s pass and the rollers, which we did twice during the Desert Half IM (once forward, once backward). My bike ride was almost 5 hours. HELL. ON. EARTH. The only other time I was so happy to be running was during Ironman Canada in 2007 when I was on the bike for 8 hours. Now I remember why: it’s the hills! NOTE TO SELF: PRACTICE HILLS!!! I live in the prairies, though, which makes finding hills kind of difficult. I needs to be done, though.

Once I got off the hills and off my bike, I was happy again. I cheered people on as they ran the 2-loop course. It was actually a lot of fun. On the bike I didn’t pee once, so I was really happy to pee several times on the run. Perhaps too often? I just looked at my official time and I spent about 15 minutes peeing. Although, one time I did not stop to go. This was the first time I’ve ever done that. I panicked at one point because I realized that I would be close to the 8-hour cut-off, but then I remembered that they added an extra half hour to this race because it is so difficult. NO. KIDDING! It was also very hot once on the run, about 35 degrees. It was a little bit cloudy, though, so it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. I took lots of water, gatorade, ice chips, and gross sponges to keep myself cooled off. According to my watch, I ran for 2 hours, 33 minutes. The official time was 2:48. I’m all right with all of it. I couldn’t believe I could even run after that bike ride. Not only did I run, but I ran at a fairly good pace [for me]. The extra bike time didn’t affect my run as much as I thought it would have. Plus, I felt great. I had no pain anywhere and my mind was clear and calm.

Also, once off the bike, I figured that I was in the clear in terms of my health. Thankfully, I was right. I did not have a relapse stroke or any problems whatsoever. I felt the best I have felt in a tri in a long time. I think I’m ready for Ironman Canada! Oh yeah, I went to the meeting after the race and they gave me a spot! So I’m definitely going and I’m really excited about it. I’m going to be trying to find some bigger hills around here. They are pretty small, so I’m just going to go up and down the ones we have many times.

My final race time was 7:42, about an hour slower than my worst previous half IM time. I was 88th out of 111 (not all finished). I was last in my new and very tough age category of 30-34 (even though I’m still 29). That being said, I’m really glad that I did the race and finished it and that I’ll be going to Ironman Canada. All THAT being said, I doubt if I will ever do that race again. It is so tough and so hot. A nice prelude to IMC, but it really kicked my butt.